TIL that Disney/Pixar released a limited-edition Bonnie doll, and she’s scaled to the size of the previously released Toy Story dolls! While this minor retail-revelation was pretty cool in its own right, it was the unsaid, un-implied and entirely untrue follow-up thought that made the synapses in my sleep-addled brain light up like your neighbor’s seemingly year-round Christmas decorations:
I think I just discovered the top secret plot to Toy Story 4!
Here goes:
Woody and the gang aren’t just toys, they’re a toy’s toys. They discover this mega-meta-plot-twist when the ‘roof’ to Bonnie’s room is suddenly whisked into the sky, prompting Bonnie to drop her toys and fall lifelessly to the floor. Before Mr. Pricklepants can say, “Stay in character,” a large (and unbelievably photo-realistic*) hand reaches down and lifts Bonnie — that is to say, THE BONNIE DOLL — out of her house and high into the sky.
Let’s watch Buzz try and wrap his continually battered sense-of-self around THAT!
This is followed by the now de rigueur ‘reset Buzz’ scene, the action-packed ‘get back home’ scene and the tearful ‘look at the bottom of our shoes’ finale — only this time, it’s Bonnie’s shoe we look at, and it reveals the name of her owner. The end. Roll credits, fake outtakes, after-the-credits bonus scene.
*This plot twist also gives a legitimately artistic reason for why Pixar — a cartoon studio — has spent millions and millions of dollars developing technology that makes cartoons look less like cartoons and more like real life. Turns out, they’ve been planning the ultimate ‘real life’ cartoon since day one!
FULL DISCLOSURE: Okay, so there is actually ZERO basis for this hypothesized plot summation other than the late-night road crew jack-hammering away outside my window. Well, that and the insanely low level of sleep that resulted from it. Were I operating on even a FRACTION of my normally required R.E.M., I’d have let this ridiculous thought and/or imaginary plot pass through my brain unshared. Ah, but the mind ‘wanders’ in even the best of circumstances. Give it the free reign implied by a sleepless night and that tricksy li’l mass of corkscrew cortex will run rampant. Hence, this.
My apologies to anyone who clicked over hoping for ‘real’ news. If it makes you feel any better, I make nothing from click-throughs, so it’s not like I gained anything from you reading this. In fact, I think it’s safe to say I might’ve even LOST something — your respect!
On that note, the work crew is now disbanding. I guess I’ll try and catch a few Zs before heading off to work. This oughta be an interesting day!
