We all have a pic or two of ourselves posing with a Disney walk-around character. Maybe you were an adult on your first trip to Walt Disney World, or perhaps you were a child visiting Mickey and Minnie ‘where they live’ at Disneyland. Either way, the experience was a right-of-passage of sorts, and one you felt was worth preserving.
But there’s a second set of pictures hidden away in the scrapbooks and smart phones of some Disney fans. These photos forgo sentimental selfies in favor of the hideous, the nightmarish and the truly terrifying walk-around characters. Listed below are the worst of the worst.
5. Jessie the Yodeling Cowgirl.
Poor Jessie. She’s one of the most moving animated characters ever created, yet her flesh-n-fiberglass counterpart is a total misfire. No neck, awkward body proportions and a face that looks NOTHING like the CG Jessie make this a sorely missed opportunity. Not only that…is she high?
4. Abu
Abu survived a deadly cave of wonders, a mischievous magic carpet and an unstable upbringing at the hands of a homeless, kleptomaniac, pathological liar. Who can fault the little fella for finally snapping? That said, until Abu regains some semblance of sanity (or, at the very least, loses the crazy eye), maybe Disney should keep this manic monkey away from kiddies.
3. Jack Skellington
What a mess. In an an effort to add one more ‘face character’ to the parks, Disney came up with this bizarre, half-mask travesty. I ask you: Is two minutes of small talk with a fictional character really worth more than achieving said fictional character’s proper likeness? Maybe for shut-ins. And the blind. And blind shut-ins. But not for me. And not for the blind and/or blind shut-ins who rub their hands on said fictional character’s face in order to ‘see’ them. To me/us/them, it’s a travesty. Especially when cos-players are coming up with waaay better versions at a fraction of the cost.
2. Beast
Remember that scene in Beauty and the Beast where the enchanted objects give Beast a bath, dumping a large bucket of soapy water over his head? This is what he’d have looked like if was left to drip dry. A classic character like Beast deserves so much better! Not this…this…homeless-on-Hollywood-Blvd.-quality costume. Admit it, if someone showed up at your child’s birthday party dressed in this thing, you’d charge up your taser, lock the kids in the panic room and begin furiously dialing 9-1-1. And you’d be right to!
1. Buzz Lightyear
Lace up your Heelys, kids. This is one ‘walk-around’ character that is more of a ‘run away’ experience. (You see what I did there?) Buzz Lightyear’s sinister smile recalls the grotesque grins of Hannibal Lecter, the Joker and every children’s beauty pageant contestant ever. His angrily arched eyebrows only enhance the effect. And those eyes. What’s up with those eyes? Is he looking into your soul, or slowly sucking it out of you?
What makes this terrifying interpretation all the more confounding is that Pixar designed Buzz on a computer using 3D mapping. They could LITERALLY print a perfect-looking headpiece for the character with the simple push of a button! Why are they mentally scarring us with this?!
Okay, so that’s my Top 5 (or Bottom 5, depending on how you look at it.) Do you agree? Disagree? Have pics of an even MORE horrendous Disney walk-around character? Please share your thoughts and photos in the comments section!
Related: Top 5 Most Disturbing Disney Toys
