Christmas is just around the corner. You’re struggling to find the perfect presents for the folks on your list. Loved ones are easy. You could probably pick a hundred ‘perfect presents’ for them. But what about the folks whose names are way, way down at the bottom of your list? The co-workers you can’t stand? The family members you’ve been damned to interacting with for the rest of your life? The filthy next-door neighbor you know is going to give you a zip-lock bag full of homemade cookies that you wouldn’t even eat as part of a suicide pact? Buying for them is HARD.
No longer!
Skunk & Burning Tires has put together a list of the Top 5 Most Disturbing Disney Toys. These totems to tastelessness are not only good for a cheap laugh, they make the perfect passive-aggressive present for those folks you’re only gifting out of guilt.
5. The Mickey Mouse Massager
Depending on who you give it to, this gift may actually make the recipient quite happy. If you give it to the fun-loving fella/female you’ve been dating for a couple of months, you may get a smile and a night of delight. But if you give it the holier-than-thou Disney fanatic who hates hearing anything critical or untoward about The Mouse you’re GUARANTEED to get taken off their Christmas Letter list. Win-win!
4. The Mickey Mouse Camera
Remember when ‘goatse‘ was an internet thing? Disney doesn’t! Add in that odd, anal bead camera-strap and you won’t have to ask anyone to smile when you hold this in front of your face — they’ll be laughing hysterically.
3. Monsters Inc Sulley Mask
The fine folks at Disney/Pixar know what a ‘scary’ Sulley looks like. It’s right there in that growling GIF. That said, there’s NO WAY they knew how truly terrifying this Halloween mask was. This thing is serial killer-creepy. I genuinely feel for that little kid in the light green polo. He is scarred for life.
2. Rad Repeatin’ Tarzan
Horrible name, HORRIFIC hand gesture. While it’s true this toy only looks perverted when Tarzan’s hand is placed in a particular position, I find it hard to believe that no one on the design team made this joke with the mock-up.
1. Lion King Happy Meal Toy
I…I don’t know what to say. Again: No one in this toy’s long design, approval, production, approval, advertising, approval process saw this thing and winced? NO ONE?! C’mon…
